Points 4 Man One single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes & you get points. Do something she dislikes & points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point system. Simple Duties You make the bed......+1 You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows........0 You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets........-1 You leave the toilet seat up........-5 You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty.......0 When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex......-1 When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom..-2 You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings......+5 But return with beer.......-5 You check out a suspicious noise at night........0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing......0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something.........+5 You pummel it with a six iron.......+10 It's her father.......-10 Social Engagements You stay by her side the entire party.......0 You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy......-2 Named Tiffany......-4 Tiffany is a dancer......-6 Tiffany has implants........-8 When mingling, you hold your girlfriend's hand and gaze at her lovingly.....+1 When mingling, you introduce her as "the ol' ball and chain" and pat her on the rump...-5 When she points toward a hot-looking woman and asks you if you think she is attractive, you say, "Yes, but nowhere near as attractive as you"....+1 When she points to a woman and asks if you think she's attractive,you say, "Yeah, but she's lousy in bed"........-6 That woman is her sister......-90 You have one drink, and that's it........0 You have more than a few and perform the tango with a poodle.......-2 You have a lot of drinks, vaguely remember being fingerprinted....-18 Saturday Afternoon You go to the shops together.......+3 You go to the shops, drop her off at the entrance, then park the car.......+4 You go to the shops, drop her off at the entrance, then drive to a sports bar........-2 You spend the day shopping for furniture and pretend to like it...+3 You spend the day shopping for furniture, and nap on a sofa.....0 You spend the day at a wholesale club, buying in bulk .......+3 Most of it chips and beer ......-6 You tackle a large household project, such as painting the lounge....+15 Or refinishing the floors......+16 Or rewiring the basement.....+17 Or adding a second floor.....+18 Or setting up a little hoop over the bathroom wastebasket.....-6 And you're tickled pink about it......-15 You visit her parents..... 0 You visit her parents and actually make conversation....+3 You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television.......-3 And the television is off.......-6 You spend the afternoon watching football in your underwear...-6 And you don't even like football.....-10 And it's not your underwear........-15 Her Birthday You take her out to dinner........0 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.......+1 Okay, it is a sports bar......-2 And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3 It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted he colors of your favorite team......-10 You go to a nice, pricey restaurant and hire a guitar player.....+3 You go to a pricey restaurant, hire a guitar player and get up and sing......+4 If you stink........+2 If you're not half bad....+5 You get up and sing a Barry Manilow song, and you're escorted out to much applause.......-2 You give her a gift.....0 You give her a gift and it's a small electrical appliance ......-10 You give her a gift and it's not a small electrical appliance...+1 You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate......+2 You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months...+30 You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day.....-10 With her credit card.......-30 And whatever you bought is two sizes too big ......-40 Thoughtfulness You forget her birthday completely.......-20 You forget your anniversary..........-30 You forget to pick her up at the bus station......-45 Which is next to the red light district........-50 A Night Out With The Boys Go out with a pal .........-5 And the pal is happily married .......-4 Or frighteningly single .........-7 And he drives a Mustang.......-10 With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)......-15 You have a few beers.......-9 And miss curfew by an hour.........-12 You miss curfew by an hour and you didn't call......-20 You get home at 3 am........-30 You get home at 3 am smelling of booze and cheap cigars .......-40 And not wearing any pants.........-50 Is that a tattoo??........-200 Her Night Out You stay home while she goes out with her annoying friend from work....+5 She goes out with her annoying work friends, and she comes home late...+10 You wait up.....+15 She goes out, comes home late and drunk, and you put her to bed..+20 A Night At Home You watch TV together...... 0 You rent a movie........+2 You rent a movie and it's SENSE & SENSIBILITY ........+3 It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you stay awake throughout.....+5 It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep.......-1 It's SENSE & SENSIBILITY and you fall asleep and drool.....-2 A Night Out You take her to a movie.......+2 You take her to a movie she likes........+4 You take her to a movie you hate ........+6 You take her to a movie you like.........-2 It's called DeathCop 3(or Godzilla ) ..................-3 Which features cyborgs having sex........-9 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.......-15 Flowers You buy her flowers only when it's expected....... 0 You buy her flowers as a surprise, just for the hell of it ....+20 You give her wildflowers you've actually picked yourself.....+30 And she contracts Lyme disease........-25 Your Physique You develop a noticeable potbelly.......-15 You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it...+10 You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.......-5 Finances You spend a lot of money on something impractical....-5 Something she can't use......-10 Such a a motorized model airplane.......-20 And she got a small appliance for her birthday........-40 Driving You lost the directions on a trip........-4 You lost the directions and end up getting lost......-10 You end up getting lost in a bad part of town .....-15 You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close and personal....-25 You know them.......-60 The Big Question She asks, "Do I look fat?" ....-5 (Sensitive questions always start witha deficit) You hesitate in responding.......-10 You reply, "Where?".........-35 Communication When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression........0 When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes........+5 You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV...+10 She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep...............-20 Submitted by Suzz

More Jokes

Wanna Buy Linux?

The Geek Cafe

Asiawide Linux Search