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Retrenchment package
Due to the economic and financial situation and the probable merger of departments/corporations, retrenchments, etc, management throughout the country have decided to implement a scheme to put staff over the age of 35 on early retirement. The scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Persons Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to be eligible for SHAFT (Special Help After Retirement). Persons who have been RAPED or SHAFTED will be reviewed under SCREW (Scheme for Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice or SCREWED as many times as management deem appropriate. Staff who have been RAPED can apply to get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependent or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Scheme). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management. |